A Few Observations

Had another ultrasound today & fetal poles were detected! I go back on Thursday, & in about another week or so I'll be able to hear the heartbeats :-)

Still tired & I fluctuate between eating everything in sight to not having much of an appetite. Could likely be the progesterone doing this to me since it's pretty high. And my face looks like a pizza! Zits everywhere & to others I've blamed it on the heat but I know better... PIO strikes again! Oh well, small price to pay so no problem. I'm working super hard to get in more protein too (per RE's nurse & my acupuncturist). I'm a sugar addict & nothing with lots of protein is sweet. Except for yogurt, could never get past the rotten-milk smell so that's out. Been eating almonds like crazy, too.

Speaking of smells, my sense of smell goes bionic at times. It was especially noticeable today when a coworker was eating something with ranch dressing. I personally don't like creamy dressings that have color because my mind believes it has to be nasty... thousand island is crunchy & horrible, ranch smells sour & has too much damn tang. But when I got a whiff of that ranch today I had to cover my nose, it was rank! Matter of fact, lunchtime was hell in the office because there were too many different smells coming from everywhere. Another coworker was heating up some kind of chicken & the smell was overwhelming & gross. I couldn't take it & got the heck out.

Tried to eat Kashi cereal with some almond milk (cut back on cow's milk a while ago) so I could get some protein with fiber. It was like trying to chew sticks & rocks. Going back to Raisin Bran, it's been a while but I can get some additional folic acid + it actually tastes good. Trying so hard to eat better for the fetuses!

Still working on staying hydrated, especially in this heat. And it is hot! I love it!

(God bless Rodney King.)

Progress & Progressing

It's been a surreal past few days! I feel the same but the world looks different, almost like I took the red pill & can see the Matrix. For real, I can't explain it.

My beta on Friday was 742 & today it's 1985, which the nurse said was good. All this doubling business is lost on me. As long as the numbers are moving in the right direction is all I care about. I also saw the sac today... looking at the monitor it was hard to believe I was looking at my own innards with the little bit of life starting there.

When I got my BFP I texted the same pic I posted here on Friday to my mother. Bless her heart, when I called her & told her to look at the picture she truly didn't understand what she was looking at. I used a digital EPT & she looked at it, reading aloud she said with her heavy accent, "Eee pee tee? What is that? I don't know what that is, Eee pee tee?" Now, in her elderly defense I don't even think she knows any brands of HPTs, it was a minor miracle that she was even able to open the text.

I told her to forget about Eee pee tee, just look to the left of the pic, look at the word in the window. "Pregnant? What? Who?" The lady forgot I was getting my results on Friday. Awesome! She's not the most emotional person on the planet but she genuinely was happy, albeit with a bit of cautious warning about keeping quiet for the time being. I'm not telling my father until I make it to the second trimester, God willing. He has no idea about my TTC, let alone as a single woman. He wants his kids to be happy so I know that he will accept it when the time comes, not sure if he'll grasp the concept of donor sperm & artificial insemination. Both my parents are foreign & this whole process is not grasp-able for him. Told two of my dearest friends who know about my SMC goal & they were ecstatic. Got an appointment with my acupuncturist on Saturday & hugged her like crazy. She said I should start coming twice a week & I go back tomorrow (& Thursday).

I feel guilty not telling one of my best friends but, bless her, she can worry the salt off a cracker. I don't mind keeping this a secret, especially since it's so very early. But I'm surprisingly calm, happy. I trust God with all this, there's a peace in that.

There were a couple times during the 2WW that, in retrospect, could have been signs that this cycle worked. On Tuesday, the same day I broke down & took the HPT, I had a quickly passing nausea after sipping on a cup of my decaf. It tasted funny & made my stomach a little queasy. I didn't even finish it & dismissed the feeling as a side effect of the PIO shots. Except that it was on 11dp3dt when HCG begins to be secreted according to my trusty chart. Perhaps? And on that Friday as I was walking to my RE's office to get my beta blood drawn the smell of the city was pungent. This same walk I've taken for ages all of a sudden had a smell that was almost unbearable. Now this city has its funky moments but not on that Friday morning. Maybe a sign?

The only thing that's different about how I feel now is I have zits all over my face. Began towards the end of last week. Just finished a whitehead popping marathon. Zits along with fatigue. Both may still be attributed to the PIO.  I still have to continue the shots & absolutely don't mind at all. Doing the shots in my *ss now may take about 5 minutes with hardly any blood. Shooting anywhere above the crack's a winner! I'm also intentionally trying to drink lots of water... it's hot as hell (finally!) but the nurse also told me to + she said I have to keep up protein.

I'm still not quite sure how they calculate the days, forgot to ask today. 4w3d, maybe? I go back on Thursday & I'll ask then.

(Thanks, friends, for your wonderful congratulations :-)

Wish I Could Test

9dp3dt! I wish I could take a pregnancy test.  I go in for my beta on Friday, but it would be such a comfort to know ahead of time. I had to take another HCG booster shot yesterday so even if I wanted to test I couldn't (have had a total of 4 HCG booster shots since ET).

During IVF #1 I tested before going to the doctor's office for the official test. When I got the results I felt terrible but it didn't sting as much because I was somewhat prepared. But this cycle isn't affording me the luxury. That's ok -- I'd rather take a booster shot everyday with the hopes that I'm increasing my chances than not, thank you, Lord.

Been feeling PMS-y these last couple days, no side effects (i.e., 'symptoms') to speak of. Booty's starting to feel sore from the PIO shots too. I went out on Friday night & had to pre-fill a syringe & shoot up in a public washroom before rejoining my peoples.

Just have to hang on for 5 more days! Argh!! Funny thing about time, though, is it drags & goes by quickly at the same time.  ET was 9 days ago even though it seems like it was just yesterday. But now I have to wait 5 more days & that feels like an eternity. Work this week will be slower than last week as well so I'm going to have to keep myself busy. Main concern is that around this time during IVF #1 I started to lose hope, my spirit knew it didn't work. Right now I'm not there, which is a good thing. I want to remain hopeful & keep my faith in this until I find out on Friday. To lose hope earlier than that would truly hurt.

I wish somebody would invent a micro-nano-super powerful ultrasound machine that would be able to see implantation! Turn a 2ww into a 1ww... anybody can hold out for just about anything for a week. Having to wait for 2 is like trying to stay above water while having an anchor tied to your leg.

Thank God the sun is out! If this were a grey-er day, I'd be in the bed & would stay there til Friday!

Damn 2WWet Dream

In my sleep last night I remember all kinds of sex imagery floated round. I remember giving in & pulling back, how the developing sensations were akin to having an orgasm. I remember trying to suppress it in the end but to no avail. I remember feeling relaxed, at ease like I had really done something.

I cannot believe I had a wet dream during my 2ww.  Thought the 'big O' was a no-no. No sex neither (now that'll hardly be a problem at this stage of the game). Funny thing, though, is that I didn't wake up feeling panicked or stressed about it. "Oh no, did I jostle the embies?" I took my post-climax, 3dp3dt self out & ran some errands (damn near skipped out the door), became a part of life now that I'm no longer a shut in. Decided to Sherlock it when I got home.

Got online (of course) & started researching 'orgasm + 2ww' & was amazed at how many women shared this experience! Hormones out of whack, engorged uterus, PIO shots side effect... no one seems to know what can bring it on during the 2ww but for once my Google search yielded results that actually helped to reassure me. I'm afraid to think what's next! IF is like a box of chocolates...

But just for the peace of mind, I hope I don't cum again before I go for my beta! (ha ha)

In other news, my word, it's only been 3 days since transfer. 11 more to go! 264 hours not including today. It's not a sprint, it's a race that's decided a week before you cross the finish line. Been having my moments of doubt & it's been a constant push-pull to maintain the optimism. Now that the embryos should start doing something (like implant) I'm feeling a bit of anxiety wondering if they're chugging along like I'm hoping they are. No way to know, just have to maintain my faith no matter how hard. I'm actually looking forward to going to work tomorrow. And if you knew the kind of work I do you'd probably say, "Tsk tsk tsk, now that's f*cked up. Poor baby."

Looking outside, this has got to be one of the most beautiful days we've had in a while.

2dp3dt

It's only been 2 days since the transfer! Feels like longer, especially when I'm limiting activity & only have my mini-encampment with the circumference as 4 inches around my recliner as my home-in-a-home. I thought about getting more active but I'll feel better if I take one more day.  This being IVF #2 makes me more comfortable in some ways & more cautious in others.  I only somewhat rested the day of transfer the last time & was back to my routine thereafter; can't hurt to try things another way per this new RE, it will bring me peace of mind.

I spoke too soon about the ease of the PIO shot on Friday.  My cocky self, that night when I gave my injection all was ok until I withdrew the needle -- it was a bloodbath!  Ugh, blood came out & dripped on the floor, took a while to stop too.  Sorry for the visual but, hell, that messed me up. The spot still hurts too & that was Friday night. And since I can't take the stairs I couldn't take the rugs downstairs to wash.  That damn shot humbled the hell outta me. I took special care last night & the shot was nice & clean.

I was warned not to eat foods that may make me gassy post-transfer because of what my body's been through last week.  Damn shame I only have peanuts & nachos to eat. Did I mention I don't cook? Also drinking room temperature water to keep uterus warm per my acupuncturist. (Cheated once in a while with some deliciously ice cold lemonade.) Physically I feel the same minus the gas. Breasts felt sore after each of the two HCG shots & I haven't felt any side effects of the PIO.

Wonder how my embies are? Fine, I hope! According to this chart they should be developing into blasts. Wish there was a way to tell (this is where faith steps in)...

Speaking of which, damned internet & IVF searches... haven't been able to stay off! It's a menace. And there's just so much ID Discovery I can take -- I think I've watched every 'Sins & Secrets', 'Cold Blood', 'Unusual Suspects' & 'I (Almost) Got Away With It' episode ever made. HGTV's all about yards & room crashing on the weekends, boring. Gonna see what's on TCM, love black & white movies & I'm sure there'll be war movies on all day.

Thank God tomorrow's Memorial Day. No work, can finally get out & about, call family members who are vets & thank them for all they've sacrificed for this country. But I'll knock out another HCG booster shot tomorrow morning before I do.

Only my mom & 3 friends know about this recent IVF cycle. I love them. They've been so supportive about all this. I am thankful to Jesus for another try at IVF. I have a single friend that I'd love to tell about what I'm doing but she's one of those negative, cup-half-empty people (but has a generous heart, that's the only reason we're still friends). She'll be 36 this year & I know she'd never think about going the SMBC/SMC route even though she wants a family. She's one of those types that says that if there's no man in the picture, then maybe a family isn't meant to be. Not trying to judge her but I can't understand pinning my hopes & dreams on a man that may never appear while my biological clock thunders in the background. As a matter of fact that used to be me until I came to my senses.

God willing this is a success, I can hear her now, "You're crazy. Why would you even want to be a single parent on purpose?" Because I can, that's why! Beautiful thing about life. You can make your own happiness.

Longer post than I intended. That's what happens when you have tons of free time.

God bless & thank all of you for sharing your positive vibes & best of lucks! I feed off of good energy, please know it means a lot. And if you could share some with sister SMBC'er at Baby Makes 2 (she also had her transfer on Friday) that would be awesome :-)

Early wishes for a happy Memorial Day!

2WW

The 2WW has begun! Just relaxing, taking it easy while afloat on Valium. Supposed to stay off my feet as much as possible today but as an SMBC I don't have the convenience of having someone to fetch me water or bring me a blanket. So I've made a temporary camp here in this recliner where I have everything I need... lip gloss, phone, computer, water, remote controls, chips.

I was told to take an HCG booster shot today, which I did, & another on Monday.  PIO as usual too for the duration.  Took a Levaquin, 2 more to go.

And my RE helped me figure out exactly where the PIO goes! I knew upper/outer quadrant of the booty cheek but I was still concerned whether I was actually getting it in the muscle.  She said the best way to do it was to go from where the crack is & that upper/outer area is the muscle. When I got home & did the HCG shot that's just where I did it & it sank in effortlessly, no blood upon needle withdrawal or nothing! Now I can inject with much more confidence that I'm getting the meds into the muscle & not a nerve.

I had plans for Memorial Day weekend but I'm going to count myself out. Just wanna chill & not think about whether I'm doing too much.

God, please help me get through these 14 days! Ooh, why can't I find anything on these 900 channels? Wish this Valium had some time release in it!

I'm All In

Thank goodness I got the call that my embies are still growing so tomorrow's confirmed for transfer! The call came late in the day & I was worried that something was wrong.  I go tomorrow morning & the whole procedure (includes registration, labs & 20 minutes of just sitting there past transfer) should take a little over an hour.  I'm going to be home & off my feet for the next three days per the doctor's orders so I'm glad for the long holiday weekend.

I know different REs have their theory regarding staying off your feet after transfer or to carry on as usual. I don't mind staying home & it'll help with my peace of mind. I'm also still a bit bloated so it'll be nice to relax a bit. I was prescribed a Valium to take when I come home that might help with some of the anxiety of the day! Thank you, doctor, for your progressive transfer protocol!

Went for pre-transfer acupuncture this afternoon. I'm all in, doing it up!

Just took the last of the Prednisone & will take a Levaquin in about an hour.  Also just gave myself another PIO shot, flawless execution -- hardly any blood, needle sank in easily! Slowly pressing on the plunger has helped, no need to rush with oil. I went a little more in the hip (still in the upper outer quadrant) than in my butt since it's harder to find a muscle under all this bootyliciousness.  Even still I'm going to have my doctor take a Sharpie & draw on my behind the exact square footage area where the shot should be given.

Lastly, I feel so much more like my old self now that I'm no longer on these injections (excluding PIO) or Estrace!  I noticed it the most when I awoke this morning.  I don't feel like I'm in a funk anymore, I feel lighter & more me. The weight gain is also more noticeable now that I'm sober from these shots but my cravings have subsided as early as yesterday.

I don't think I'll get online tomorrow either.  Don't want to ruin the effects of the Valium by having a marathon Google-search session about Day X-past transfer... getting it all out of my system tonight :-)

3!

3 embies!  I was so happy to get the call this morning that of the 4 eggs, 3 of them fertilized.   Embryo transfer will be Friday morning.  God bless that fourth little egg.  And, always, thank you, God!  I'm going for pre-transfer acupuncture tomorrow, which I certainly need.

Now that it's one day past retrieval my whole abdomen is bloated & gassy. And the gassiness is still from the anesthesia.  The area's still tender but I'm much better than yesterday.  I also walk a bit gingerly because with every step there's just a bit of discomfort.  Here's hoping that some of the bloat & minor pain will subside tomorrow.

Today is day 2 of PIO injections + along with take the Levaquin (antibiotic) & Presnidone (corticosteroid).  Presidone's for one more day (twice a day pill for 3 days) & Levaquin will have to be taken through a bit of next week.

For the PIO shot a friend told me to ice the site before injecting & then heat the area afterwards.  But I'm not having a problem getting the needle in & all I notice is a bruised area from yesterday's shot.  I've read where women have been slightly traumatized by the PIO shots but for me I'm good.  I'd shoot myself up with PIO every day for 9 months vs. taking even one Endometrin insert for just one day.  I say 'ugh' every time I think about the grossness.  Seems that my whole behind will be bruised up from these injections but I'm not complaining.  This whole process can have no concern with vanity!

Best of luck & many blessings to everyone going through any part of this baby-making process.  Praying for you for Friday, Evelyn!

4!

4 eggs were retrieved today, thank you, God!  Out of 5 follicles, 4 eggs were retrieved & I'll get a (God-willing) good report on fertilization tomorrow.  The egg retrieval process left my ovaries extremely crampy & nauseous from the anesthesia.  My abdominal pain was so intense: the gas from the anesthesia plus a little bit of food given to me by the nurses on top of me moving to get dressed left me puking.  And I immediately felt better!  Those nurses were so nice; I have to get them a thank you card. The pain subsided just a bit after my barf & eight hours later I feel much more like my old self.

Now I start Prednisone, a corticosteroid that suppresses the system's immune system so it won't reject an implanting embryo.  I'm also taking Levaquin, an antibiotic to prevent infection from the egg retrieval process itself.  I'm also to begin Progesterone-in-Oil injections (PIO), 1mL, at night & which I finished shooting up a few minutes ago.  I thought it'd be worse than it was since I have to do it on my own but it went just fine.  Huge 22 gauge needle & I could barely get it through.  That was the same needle size for the HCG, just a little tougher this time around.

My Google fast didn't hold out before the retrieval but I've had no desire to get online & search about success rates, embryo transfer success rates for 3- vs. 5-day transfers... I have no desire to stress myself out tonight or worry needlessly. All I can choose to do is be cool & trust in Him.

I'm happy for my 4 little eggs.  That's one more than the last cycle & for my age with my FSH/AMH scenario & I'm so so grateful for even that many. Speaking it to the universe: My embryos will be implanted on Friday.  In my prayers tonight I'm thanking God for hope, for everything including my RE & will continue to leave it in His hands.