Damn Internet

I had an awesome acupuncture appointment coupled with a massage today.  Asked whether the massage was safe while I'm stimming even though I see a fertility acupuncturist & they also specialize in fertility massages.  Just trying to be on the safe side.  Totally fine, & it was totally great.  Day got busy & I finally made it home.  Now, I originally thought I'd straighten up a bit & then relax for the night.

Fool I am I got right on the internet & started Googling everything having to do with stimming, egg retrieval, uterine lining.  Seeing the dangers, all that can go wrong.  Great morning of relaxation turned into an evening reading about all the worse case scenarios with IVF!

Immediately after posting this I intend to go back on a Google fast.  Ugh.  Gotta stop searching for 'multiple IVF' and anything related to follicle counts & embryo transfers.  Hope that's easier done than said!

Tuesday, Go Day

Tuesday's been set as the day for the retrieval!  I continue with the injections & inject the HCG on Sunday night, which is my last injection.  I then return for labs on Monday.

I'm actually afraid to be hopeful but feel much more comfortable with what to expect since this is IVF #2.  It helps that my RE & her team are reassuring + the fact I was able to drop down on doses makes me feel that my body's cooperating much better (vs. that lupron reaction I had the last time & the whole plan being thrown out of wack).

It's like with every lab there's always a chance that the news isn't going to be great.  I have  a history of fibroids, multiple myomectomies, high FSH, and low AMH so I've had my share of gynecological tribulations.  But when I get a call that my blood work is actually normal, or if I'm told that my lining is better than average (thanks, Viagra!), I'm like... ok, this is new, this is good.  My mood is still very cautious & I almost talk myself out of getting really happy.  Who knows what tomorrow may bring but for right now I have to thank God that I'm on the right side of things.  And maybe I can allow myself to be a teeny little bit happy.

Ganirelix, Old Friend

Tonight I introduced Ganirelix, which I had used in my previous IVF. Except unlike last time this nurse instructed me to do the injections within 24 hours or less of the previous injection.  That the Ganirelix only stays in the system for 24 hours & it's like a gate that starts to swing shut.  It's important to keep that gate wide open, thus Ganirelix must be taken within 24 hours or less of the prior dose.  WHY DIDN'T MY PREVIOUS RE TELL ME THIS?  I will never understand why every doctor can't give the same information to all patients.  All the resources & emotional investment that we put into IVF/IUI/ICI & you would think that there would be a level of consistency & information that can yield the best outcomes. Ugh!

Done with the vent, moving on, getting back on the sunny side of the street... Ganirelix's needle is rather broad but I finally got it in.

My dosages were also decreased on Monday after labs: Follistim down to 300 IU in the a.m., Menopur down to 75 IU in the p.m.  Along with the addition of Ganirelix I'm still continuing with the Viagra.

I love my RE.  Her spirit is that she's rooting for you & will use whatever resources she has to help achieve & keep a pregnancy.  Total opposite from the RE from last fall but you live & learn.  God bless her.

Everything's progressing, I go back to the doctor tomorrow.  I'm just feeling especially tired today so I'm once again making it an early night.

Big, warm hug goes to sister SMC'er Candlelight & Pacifiers... it's always darkest before the dawn :-)

Viagra, the Little White Suppository

Never in my life did I think I'd be taking Viagra.  Alas, never say never!  Tonight's the first night with Viagra (or the generic sildenafil) in the form of a suppository that I have to insert vaginally.  Viagra taken this way in an IVF cycle is supposed to improve the uterine lining to increase the odds of an embryo attaching.  It just came in an unceremonious little white cardboard box & the suppositories weren't even encased in foil.  Practically all white with just a dash of blue.

A total of 10 were prescribed & I was given the ok to start it tonight.  Today's also Day 4 of my period.  Thank God my period's practically nonexistent or else it would have grossed me out to no end to get it up there... middle finger was up to my knuckle because it doesn't come with an applicator.  I was warned not to wear my nice panties while on these as discharge can result as it melts away inside.  Nothing compares to to the nastiness of Endometrin inserts (3 times a day forever, coming out in gushy chunks, treasure box felt gross all day long) so this will be a cakewalk.

Additionally, I began Follistim & Menopur two days ago.  I love the Follistim pen!  Easiest thing in the world to use.  I was shown how to use by a nurse but forgot since that was over a month ago; found this video on Youtube that served as a great refresher.  Menopur's already an old friend since I used it last time.  450 IUs of Follistim in the morning, 150 IUs Menopur at night.

Viagra, large doses, little bit of hope, lotta prayer, all for me... onward!

Finally

I'm finally off Estrace & I feel so much more like myself.  That damn Estrace kept me in a month-long funk, I had the blues every single day.  Being on birth control pills vs. Estrace, though, is far better given my age.  From what my RE explained BCPs can be harsher on the system & may not do ovaries service.  Estrace is more appropriate but I'm still cloudy as to why.  Emotionally, Estrace put me through it!  BCPs just got me fat even though I have put on weight being on Estrace.  I'm also unmotivated to work out because I don't want to lose weight while I'm stimming.  I'm also off taking the progesterone pill so no more fear of allergic reaction.
 
But I finally got my period & start injections this week.  The nurse said it was going to be heavy given the effects of the Estrace for as long as I did.   I'm also increasing my protein intake per her advice but am struggling with cutting back on sugar.  Feel like I'm rambling!  Nice rainy night, perfect for bedtime.

Allergic to Progesterone Pills!

I cannot believe it, seems that I'm allergic to progesterone pills!  First the Lupron, now this... bottom lip started feeling fuller than normal but being that I've been so fatigued (side effect of Estrace; taking 6-2mg pills in the morning & 4-2mg in the evening) I mustered up enough energy to brush it off.  About an hour ago it became obvious that my bottom lip felt big as hell.  I doubt it's the Estrace because I've been taking it for over a month.  Just started the progesterone pill, though, a few days ago.

My vision started getting blurry the next day but I read that that's a natural side effect.  Also felt dizzy but that was also to be expected.  Now this!  Just popped a trusty Benadryl so I should be right as rain.  I'll also call the doctor's office tomorrow & see what they say.  Except I'm concerned that they may suggest that I discontinue.

Funny thing is that the Lupron also blew up my entire face along with bottom lip but at least the latter is all that's swollen... for now.

Internet sleuthing yielded this thread on Fertile Thoughts so I'm feeling reassured for right now.  Looks like I may be able to prophylactically take an antihistimane (like Zyrtec, which I do have & love because it doesn't make me as drowsy as Benadry can) along with progesterone pills or shots to control the allergy... I hope!

I didn't realize I can be so sensitive to these IVF drugs so I hope this is it!

Estrace Stress

I absolutely cannot stand another day on Estrace! It's already been over 3 weeks & I've been feeling low low low.  Yes, I'm back on this IVF ride!  Tonight I finally introduce Prometrium & hopefully I'll finally start my period next week.  Have to contact the doctor to confirm a 10 mg per day dosage -- which sounds like hell but if I must, I must.  Never thought I'd be looking so forward to my cycle starting but anything's better than the mood I'm in right now.  I've been sluggish, unproductive & have noticeably put on a few pounds because I've turned into quite the eater.  What we'll do in the name of a thick uterine lining!  Good times!

I didn't think I'd return to this blog but I've been inspired by so many other women who have been journeying through infertility or single motherhood by choice (many of whom have succeeded in having healthy babies!) that I'm seeking the refuge of this journal as I try again.

Fortunately these distractions have taken my mind off my estrogen:
- Slow Jam the News: President Obama on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
- Finding inspiration in nail polish on The Polish Medic's blog

And wishing fellow SMC Candlelight & Pacifiers luck at CCRM!