Do They Know Me?

Just came from picking up twins from a friend's house. She was holding one of them, & when I came into the room & saw him he just looked at me. Then she said that, wow, she thought he would have leapt into my arms. That hurt! Did I mention that she's a mom to a 1 & 3 year old who might know what to say & what not to say to new moms?

He hadn't napped all morning so when I saw him & he had no reaction that's all that came to mind. Until she said what she said. When I loaded everyone into the car I got online & started googling: when do babies know their mother?

They always know them, their scent, their voice. I get that. And there are many times when their faces light up and they start to coo & laugh when I pick them up or we make eye contact. Now I'm starting to analyze things & I'm not in the mood for it.

An online article said that at about 6 months they for sure know who their mothers are. Mine are 5.5 so maybe in another couple of weeks?! Or maybe this was an anomaly & I shouldn't fret. But now I am.

Sleep When They Sleep...

My *ss!! My eyes are burning, they're so tired... I just awoke from a 30-minute nap because they finally decided to take a nap. Decided to write real quick because I gotta get better documenting some of the adjustments I'm having to make.

They're so darling, these little boys. When one gets tired he usually lets out a yell & a few whimpers so I put him in his crib & he's good to go. Usually. Poor kid seems gassy -- tried to give him a bottle but he refused it. Screamed like he was getting paid to do it.

The other one...

That kid's a fighter!! He'll laugh, cry, writhe, want to play, everything but want to nap. Then when it seems like he can't maintain the resistance he surrenders. Grasps his pacifier, laughs some, & eyes close for his nap.

We ran errands today so that threw them off & it doesn't help that I've been struggling to maintain some kind of schedule.

It also doesn't help that I'm checking to make sure they're breathing constantly. That & trying to do laundry, washing a ka-jillion bottles, bathing myself every other day, maybe getting in a meal, etc. And I've been watching the Zimmerman trial, have to witness for myself.

By the way, I have the summer off in case you were wondering: Wow, she's a stay at home single mom? Is she living off a trust? Don't I wish!! Got pets to care for too so a girlfriend's plate is full.

Being an SMBC with twins ain't no joke -- there's NO ONE around now to help with baths, feedings, playing. And I just can't believe how well I'm doing, if I may say. It's definitely a struggle & I do feel guilty that the things I planned to do -- read to them every night is the main one -- I'm just way toooooooooo tired to do every night. And I planned to ban the TV... but hell no!! I use that baby cable channel to help me take a break or get stuff done. I would be completely bananas without it --

I just re-read this post & it's lacking a little coherence. Can't fix it because I'm too tired. And I'm not gonna take another nap because I'm actually too tired to sleep... & somebody's gonna get up soon!!

Thank You, God!!

I look into the twins' eyes & still am in shock that these darlings came out of me, that God blessed me with them, that they're all mine. Thank you, God!!  That's it, that's all I wanted to say!!

It's been a challenge to find time to blog, but I'm working on it!!

Just a couple of weeks, Beans!! Girl, we were shooting up, 2ww-ing it, stressing... & now you're almost there & the baby's almost here, yes :)

I hope all's well with everyone. And please send positive thoughts to MMMReader. Had a challenging transfer, praying for happy news in a couple of weeks!!

(all these exclamation points, must be summer!!)

"Maximizing Milk Production..."

Wish I saw this video sooner (& the only supplement that worked for me was fenugreek):

Maximizing Milk Production with Hands On Pumping

Somebody Could've Warned Me...

... that some grandmothers think they know it all!! I love my mother dearly & am grateful that she's physically here to help with these darling little boys. But I had no clue that she'd be so negative with regards to how I'm parenting the twins -- she doesn't understand nor has the desire to learn about breastfeeding & why I'm making that choice; if they're fussy, it's because I hold them too much; why don't I bathe them in a tub vs. the kitchen sink; why am I tired all the time...

Bless her heart, she has a cup-half-empty disposition & has always been a good mood killer. But I thought grandmother-hood would sunny her up a bit. She loves her grandbabies & it's wonderful to see her with them. But she'd prefer that I feed them more & more formula (I only give them formula at night) & less breast milk. It's been a daily issue since giving birth.

Since only recent generations of parents fully got the breast-is-best message she is not getting me at all. When I brought the babies home the struggle to nurse them was OUT OF THIS WORLD. (It still is, that's another post!) I wanted to quit every time & still feel insecure about whether they're getting enough. So our constant arguments about why I wouldn't give them more formula damn near wore me down. Since breastfed babies also nurse more often, especially during growth spurts, that was evidence to her that I was starving them. Even though they're gaining weight!  Hell, my siblings & I got formula & we turned out ok so why isn't it good enough for these two. Ugh.

I actually read online that negative grandmother support (& not lack of milk supply) may be the leading reason why many women quit breastfeeding. I damn near did.

I also called them 'beautiful' shortly after they were born & she damn near snapped my head off. Seems that, culturally speaking (my parents are immigrants), you shouldn't encourage vanity. I said, 'lady, from what book of bad parenting did you get that tip?' After I explained that it wasn't about their looks but it was about their spirits, how they made me feel, the awesome gifts from God they are, etc., & that I intend to call them beautiful & more since children need to hear that from their parents, she didn't say another word. (She's never been the praise/complimenting type of parent but I got over that ages ago. However, I refuse to pass that on to my own kids.)

If one of the babies carry on crying & it's because of something I did or didn't do. Never thought that I'd be hearing 'it's always the mother' from my own!

I asked her if my siblings & I were perfect babies who only cooed when we were hungry & changed our own diapers since we didn't want to be any trouble. That actually put her on mute.

I have finally made a conscious choice not to work on not responding to her criticisms because it'll do no good. I respect her & don't want to have all this negative energy flowing from me & my breast milk into these kids. I just say to myself, 'she's an older woman, she ain't gon' change, be grateful you have her, focus energy on your new happiness & these blessings'. Self-talk is what's keeping me sane!

Speaking of breastfeeding, though, if I knew then what I know now I would've taken every single breastfeeding for multiples class there is. I just thought that the kids are slapped on the teat & voila! I'm' breatstfeeding! Man, I wish --

I'm the most bananas-eating, fenugreek-swallowing, Mother's Milk-drinking, More Milk Plus sucking, Kaliber beer-guzzling chick in Chicagoland!

Logging off. Deep breaths. Ready the teat pump. Join granny in the kitchen for the dinner she made us :-)

My Baby Boys!

WOW!  I haven't posted since August 1 of last year?!! I didn't realize it had been that long but I had great reasons -- the Internet is a scary, scary place for a pregnant woman so I basically lived off the grid for pretty much the majority of my pregnancy... but I'm happy to share that I gave birth a few weeks ago (at 37 weeks!!) to two of the most beautiful boys I have ever seen in my life.  God has given me more than I ever thought I would have in this life and my gratitude to Him is eternal.

I'm going to keep their names & birthday secret for now :-)

This was the BEST decision I ever made.

Next Caller

First OB appointment today... except the OB I chose didn't exactly set my world on fire. She kept me waiting over 20 minutes in her exam room, which isn't a good sign if I'm looking for an OB that's sensitive to a working woman's schedule the way my RE was. She also said something that stuck in my mind like a splinter: "if we make it to the third trimester..." Ain't nobody trying to hear that! I also expected to have an ultrasound -- she could see for herself what's up & I could be assured that she's trying to stay on top of things. I learned that you don't always get an ultrasound at the first appointment, but I wanted it anyway. I also got more information about future OB scheduling from the receptionist than the doctor.

Right then I said to myself, I gotta find another OB. Next caller! I have my next monthly appointment with another doctor in the practice so I'll see about her. The receptionist said she's one of the faves in the practice so at least there's that to go on.

OB woman did say that she'd likely deliver via c-section at 37 weeks. She said it like she was sharing bad news but I already knew about needing a c-section given both my fibroid surgeries & told her so.

My RE completely spoiled me for anybody else! I was so heavily monitored & it's has finally sunk in that I'm not going to get that level of attention from an OB.

I did request a more involved NT scan, which she did arrange for later this afternoon with a separate office. It was awesome! Talked with an awesome grandfatherly genetics doctor that walked me through what I was seeing & how both babies were measuring normally. Thanks be to God. Grandpop was so much more reassuring than ol' girl that I wished he could be my OB.

I'm measuring 12w2d :-) Keep it up, babies!! Guess I enter my 2nd trimester gestation-wise on August 10th but developmentally (according to this awesome IVF due dating site) I entered it yesterday. I'll just feel so much better in 9 days! Felt so happy after the scan. I'm still cautious with my emotions but always working to keep the faith too. Taking each day as it comes.

I was also asked to be in two research studies today so bring on the minimal compensation & extra ultrasounds! Ooh, don't I wish I had a lot more $$ saved. That's for another post!

Gotta walk the animals before the Olympics swim finals... I am so caught up in these games! Three cheers for London -- aside from the trapped-in-a-puppet-nightmare opening ceremony London has done a smash-up job. Damnit, I cried when the female cyclist from the Netherlands won her race in dramatic style! Go USA but especially as a child of immigrants I have so much admiration for so many of these athletes from across the world. Just wish Russia would've had Sean John or somebody else design their team jackets, they're horrid  --

I'm so incredibly happy for Sunflower!!

Beans, come October you're next!!

To all other IF/SMBC friends, there's so much magic in believing... you stay in my prayers & meditations so I already know that it's just a matter of time :-)