... that some grandmothers think they know it all!! I love my mother dearly & am grateful that she's physically here to help with these darling little boys. But I had no clue that she'd be so negative with regards to how I'm parenting the twins -- she doesn't understand nor has the desire to learn about breastfeeding & why I'm making that choice; if they're fussy, it's because I hold them too much; why don't I bathe them in a tub vs. the kitchen sink; why am I tired all the time...
Bless her heart, she has a cup-half-empty disposition & has always been a good mood killer. But I thought grandmother-hood would sunny her up a bit. She loves her grandbabies & it's wonderful to see her with them. But she'd prefer that I feed them more & more formula (I only give them formula at night) & less breast milk. It's been a daily issue since giving birth.
Since only recent generations of parents fully got the breast-is-best message she is not getting me at all. When I brought the babies home the struggle to nurse them was OUT OF THIS WORLD. (It still is, that's another post!) I wanted to quit every time & still feel insecure about whether they're getting enough. So our constant arguments about why I wouldn't give them more formula damn near wore me down. Since breastfed babies also nurse more often, especially during growth spurts, that was evidence to her that I was starving them. Even though they're gaining weight! Hell, my siblings & I got formula & we turned out ok so why isn't it good enough for these two. Ugh.
I actually read online that negative grandmother support (& not lack of milk supply) may be the leading reason why many women quit breastfeeding. I damn near did.
I also called them 'beautiful' shortly after they were born & she damn near snapped my head off. Seems that, culturally speaking (my parents are immigrants), you shouldn't encourage vanity. I said, 'lady, from what book of bad parenting did you get that tip?' After I explained that it wasn't about their looks but it was about their spirits, how they made me feel, the awesome gifts from God they are, etc., & that I intend to call them beautiful & more since children need to hear that from their parents, she didn't say another word. (She's never been the praise/complimenting type of parent but I got over that ages ago. However, I refuse to pass that on to my own kids.)
If one of the babies carry on crying & it's because of something I did or didn't do. Never thought that I'd be hearing 'it's always the mother' from my own!
I asked her if my siblings & I were perfect babies who only cooed when we were hungry & changed our own diapers since we didn't want to be any trouble. That actually put her on mute.
I have finally made a conscious choice not to work on not responding to her criticisms because it'll do no good. I respect her & don't want to have all this negative energy flowing from me & my breast milk into these kids. I just say to myself, 'she's an older woman, she ain't gon' change, be grateful you have her, focus energy on your new happiness & these blessings'. Self-talk is what's keeping me sane!
Speaking of breastfeeding, though, if I knew then what I know now I would've taken every single breastfeeding for multiples class there is. I just thought that the kids are slapped on the teat & voila! I'm' breatstfeeding! Man, I wish --
I'm the most bananas-eating, fenugreek-swallowing, Mother's Milk-drinking, More Milk Plus sucking, Kaliber beer-guzzling chick in Chicagoland!
Logging off. Deep breaths. Ready the teat pump. Join granny in the kitchen for the dinner she made us :-)