Saturday, September 10, 2011

Easing on down the road

Unfortunately this cycle didn't work out!  I wasn't very surprised but was still disappointed.  Even though I ate those nasty brazil nuts & tried to visualize myself with my 2 little embryos implanting, I just felt... off.  The three days after transfer were the happiest, but then after that I just didn't feel anything.  Once the doubt settled in it stayed!

The best thing I did, though, (& I went against what I said I was going to do!) was test starting at 7dp3dt.  I thought I could wait but seeing BFNs really did prepare me for yesterday's test result.  So when I got the beta news I handled it much better than otherwise.  I know that some people understandably become stressed & depressed seeing a BFN so early but it did the opposite for me.  I said, wow, damn, maybe it's still early, can't even worry about it.  Stress has taken out many a people & I consciously work to keep mine at a minimum.  Plus with work keeping me busy I was able to take the focus off myself pretty damn well.  Even though the beta news wasn't favorable I am a firm, firm believer in 'there's a reason for everything' & I knew given my age & stats my road would be a wee bit steeper.  A few minutes after I hung up the phone I had to reflect: I am grateful that God has stayed with me this whole time & has allowed me my first, yes first, IVF cycle.

I've decided to change REs, though.  I feel like I got the one-size-fits-all protocol given my circumstances & this particular RE is cold as a fish.  I need to feel like my RE is rooting for me & not just there for my co-pay.  As a matter of fact I made the appointment for the new RE even before I got my beta news!  When you know, you know!  I'll provide an update in a few weeks.  I'm hopeful :-)

(Thank you, SmartOneKym, for checking on me, sorry it took me so long to update!  And thanks to everyone who stopped by and sent their good luck wishes!  This blog was the best decision I've made, it's been such a blessing to connect with people who don't even know me but who send such positive energy & who choose to care for someone they've never met :-)

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