My faith is strong but my feelings were running the gamut. I, finally, with all the seriousness in my heart, on my drive to work I had to ask God for strength to get me through these last few days. As soon as I did, I felt a peace, a relief.
Even with my faith & optimism, sometimes negativity creeps in & eventually it makes a home in my head. The same negativity where doubt about embarking on this adventure leads me to believe this will never work. And I just like that I forget that I have more power, more courage than I give myself credit for. I force myself to smile until I feel it from the heart because it's the best, cheapest therapy I can find (then I crack up because I imagine I must look crazy, hard to feel bad through real laughter). I ask God for strength to move me through these moments. And I receive it. The loop of self-doubt interrupts for a sec & I can feel God's grace comfort me. And I'm asking for strength all day long because it's a constant crumble-rebuild-crumble-rebuild.
I remember that He's brought me through everything, has led me to TTC on my own, & certainly wouldn't leave me when I need Him most.
I'm incredibly spiritual & thank God for that because church & me don't get along too tough. I feel God's blessings & direction, I have to remind myself that no matter what I'll be ok.
I pray for peace & blessings for family, friends, pets & people I meet & people I don't know. I think that should cover everybody on planet Earth. I'm praying for Evelyn, my 2ww cycle-sister-buddy, whose support & resilience will be such a wonderful example for the children she'll carry & raise. I pray for all IFs, SMBCs & for anyone who has love to share with children borne of us, God willing.
Thank you, God, in advance.
(And please take a moment to pray for Jen, in early pregnancy with twins & who was having contractions as early as yesterday.)